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How to Overcome Loneliness When Surrounded by People

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 19:48:59 +0100

Are you one of those people that can go anywhere and have someone talking to within five minutes, but deep down inside still feel lonely? It can break your heart! Studies have shown that people (especially women) who feel lonely even in the company of others are at a much higher risk for heart disease. Here are some ways you can tackle those feelings of loneliness so you can have healthier relationships, and a healthy heart.

Steps

1
Understand that it's quality that matters, not quantity. It doesn't matter how manypeople you know, but how well you know them. And more importantly: how well they know you. Or if they really know you at all.
2
Understand yourself. We all have our fair share of heartaches and wounds as we grow up. By the time we reach forty, we will have lost the openness we had as a four-year-old, as we learned not to let certain things get to us anymore. That's only natural. But it's different when you have closed down to such a degree that you have become unable to really get "in touch" with other people. You become, in fact, locked up within yourself.
3
Find out what locked you up in the first place. Maybe you were abused or neglected by the people who were supposed to take care of you. Maybe you were bullied or left out by your classmates. Maybe you are feeling inadequate because of physical or mental disabilities, your gender, race or social background. These events and feelings can have serious consequences that you must deal with. The good news is: you don't have to fight this battle alone.
4
Seek help. Find a therapist to talk about what happened. Yes, it seems unfair that you have to seek professional help when these haunting burdens that are ruining your life are not your fault. You tried to help everybody, regardless of the fact that you weren't a professional. If you start telling your life's story to just about anyone, you will end up being the whining and complaining one. You know from experience that that is a huge turn-off.
5
Stop expecting the people around you to reach out. If you've noticed you feel lonely when you're surrounded by people, you probably have decent social skills already, hence the being surrounded by people, but those connections lack intimacy. In addition to being locked up inside, you might also expect other people to initiate something that would deepen the connection, such as noticing when you feel down and insisting that you talk to them about it so they can help. Instead, learn to speak up and ask for help. Say things like "Hey, I'm going through a rough patch. Can we talk about it? I think that'll make me feel better."
6
Be a little less sensitive. The same thing mentioned in the previous applies to you. If you find you're always picking up someone else's mood, saying things like: "You don't look so happy today. Is something wrong?", you must learn not to be overly sensitive to everyone else's lot, to the extent that you neglect yourself. Every relationship is a two way street, and any mature adult should be able to let you know when they're feeling bad, rather than expect you to guess all the time.
7
Learn to say no. Sometimes we feel lonely because we feel used and objectified. Perhaps you are a good listener, and people always seem to cry on your shoulder. And when they are done crying, they head out to have fun with other people. Ouch! That hurts! So next time somebody wants to cry on your shoulder, bluntly tell them no. This will make you feel like you're rude, but you're only standing up for yourself. You may lose friends over this, but they weren't your friends to begin with. They were only counting on you to listen to their whining and complaining. You need to make room in your life for people who care about you, and who can have deeper relationships with you.
- If this step resonates with you strongly, it may be worth reading How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome.
8
Be good to yourself. If you feel happy, you will look happy. And happy people attract other people.
9
Open up. This is the scary part. When you open up to other people, you are guaranteed to have some more heartaches and hurts. But it's really the only way to connect, and deepen relationships. Start talking: about things you did last weekend, movies you saw, books you read... And when you feel comfortable, start digging deeper.
Tips
- Being in touch with other people doesn't mean being out of touch with yourself. When you are at a social gathering by yourself, and you notice that you are comfortable just sitting there and quietly sipping your drink, that's fine.
Warnings
If you find that in opening up, you talk a lot about negative things, you'll deter people. ReadHow to Be Optimistic.
Being lonely and being alone are two different things! Joining clubs and activities will not solve the problem if you're lonely. It will only wear you out.

How to Practice Cell Phone Etiquette

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 16:50:51 +0100

Rude cellphone users are much anywhere that there's a cell phone signal. Most people who are being impolite don't realize what they're doing. Could that be you?

Steps

1
Keep a 10-foot (3 meter) distance between you and anyone else whenever you talk on your phone. No exceptions.
2
Don't talk too loudly. Generally you don't have to shout in the microphone to be heard on the other end. In fact, doing so often makes it harder for you to be understood. In addition, shouting on the phone disrupts people around you.
3
Do not talk about personal details in public. Personal is just that: personal. Tell callers you will call them back later, move someplace where you can have a little privacy, or switch to text messaging.
4
Don't multi-task. Don't make calls while driving, shopping, banking, waiting in line, or doing almost anything that involves interacting with other human beings.
5
Don't talk on the phone in any enclosed spaces, even if you're more than 10 feet away from anyone. They can still hear you (because it's an enclosed space) and usually, they're forced to just sit there and listen.
- Bathrooms
- Elevators
- Waiting rooms
- Auditoriums
- Taxicabs
- Buses
- Trains
6
Don't even let your phone ring in any of the following settings:
- Meetings
- Libraries
- Museums
- Places of worship
- School
- Lectures
- Live performances
- Funerals
- Weddings
- Movie theaters
7
Don't use your phone when having a meal with someone. Ideally, you should turn it off entirely. If you're anticipating an important call, let the person you're with know beforehand that you're expecting a call that you'll need to take. No matter what, don't hold a conversation at the table; step away, follow Step 1, and don't stay away any longer than you would for a bathroom break. Never, ever text at the table, even if the face-to-face conversation dies down.
8
Turn off your phone at the movie theater. Even if your phone is on vibrate, people can hear it during quiet parts of the movie. The light from your phone's screen is also very distracting. Don't check the time, don't check your text messages; just turn it off until the movie is over.
9
Learn to text. When you're in an enclosed space, or you can't put yourself 10 feet out of everyone's way, it's inappropriate to talk but it's potentially acceptable to receive and send text messages. In such cases, keep the following rules of texting etiquette in mind:

Use the vibrate feature instead of an audible text alert.
Only text when you're standing still or sitting and out of anyone's way. Don't text while you walk or drive.
Don't text while doing anything that requires you to be attentive, such as waiting at an intersection for the pedestrian signal.
Don't text while at a meeting or conference. You should give the speaker your undivided attention.

How to Decide Whether or Not to Break up a Long Distance Relationship

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 16:24:37 +0100

Are you a long way from someone? And you can't tell wether your heart is in the relationship? Here's how you decide whether to keep them or not.

Steps

1
Make sure you trust one another. This is one of the biggest parts of being in a long distance relationship. If there is no trust, find out why. Discuss the situation with your partner, and work together to solve your problems.
2
Be willing to make sacrifices. A relationship that is not physical or where you do not get to see your partner every day can be very fragile. You must be willing to make sacrifices that others may not need to make in relationships where the couple see each other all the time.
3
Make sure you love your partner. Do you love or feel a strong attraction to this person? This is necessary for a strong long distance relationship.
4
Ensure that you are both willing to wait for each other. Many long distance relationships fail because people get impatient waiting for the affection they long for from their partner, so be sure that you are both willing to wait.
5
Establish multiple ways of contacting each other in case your computers or phones fail.
6
Know when to take some time away. With a rocky relationship, you might need time off to find yourself. If there is true love, you will be miserable without each other. A few days usually does the trick.
- Be aware that this will not work in every case, and may make your partner angry. You know your girl- or boyfriend best, so you make the call.
7
Get together as soon as possible. Hanging out in person will take away much of your natural human longing.
Tips
- Love knows no distance. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
- If you think you love someone far away, you probably do.
- It's much easier to love a person who is close, rather than 3 thousand miles away.

How to Determine Whether Your Long Distance Relationship Is Working

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 16:18:45 +0100

Is your long distance relationship working? It can be hard to tell. I will show you how to sort through the confusing mush that is your and your partner's emotions.

Steps

1
Make sure you trust one another. This is one of the biggest parts of being in a long distance relationship. If there is no trust, find out why. Discuss the situation with your partner, and work together to solve your problems.
2
Be willing to make sacrifices. A relationship that is not physical or where you do not get to see your partner every day can be very fragile. You must be willing to make sacrifices that others may not need to make in relationships where the couple see each other all the time.
3
Make sure you love your partner. Do you love or feel a strong attraction to this person? This is necessary for a strong long distance relationship.
4
Ensure that you are both willing to wait for each other. Many long distance relationships fail because people get impatient waiting for the affection they long for from their partner, so be sure that you are both willing to wait.
5
Establish multiple ways of contacting each other in case your computers or phones fail.
6
Know when to take some time away. With a rocky relationship, you might need time off to find yourself. If there is true love, you will be miserable without each other. A few days usually does the trick.
- Be aware that this will not work in every case, and may make your partner angry. You know your girl- or boyfriend best, so you make the call.
7
Get together as soon as possible. Hanging out in person will take away much of your natural human longing.
Tips
- Love knows no distance. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
- If you think you love someone far away, you probably do.
- It's much easier to love a person who is close, rather than 3 thousand miles away.
Warnings
These solutions may not work for everyone. All relationships are different, so make the choices that will work best in yours.

How to Know if You Like a Guy

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 16:09:02 +0100

Do you see that special guy everyday, but don't know if you like him? Do you get that weird feeling every time you look at him? This article will let you know if you have a crush on a guy.

Steps

1
Notice how much you're around him. If you are around him a lot, this is one sign you may like him. He might be an old friend and this can be good and bad. In some cases it's good, because you'll know him and you might feel comfortable. In other cases it can might feel odd moving to a new level. So, make sure you feel comfortable around him.
2
Do you get butterflies when you are around him? If you do, that is a sign that just him being around makes you happy, which could be a sign that you like him.
3
Consider how much you think about him. Is he constantly on your mind and are they always good thoughts that make you feel happy?
4
Think about how you feel when you accidentally touch him. When you brush shoulders, is it a momentous experience for you? Does it make your heart jump?
5
Think about what happens when you see him.Do you feel yourself blushing or quickly turning away to hide that you are smiling and trying not to giggle?If you do,this can be a sign that you like him.
6
Try to find out if he has feelings for you. If he does, figure out a way to make him ask you whether you would like to be his girlfriend.
I DONT prefer that you ask him to be your boyfriend. You must let him the one who asks you. If you figured out that he don't want you to be his girlfriend you can feel sad but you'll be mostly get over it the next day . After all, he's just a guy. Don't just jump back in there thought, as it might seem like you were just playing.
7
See how your relationship goes. If it goes well, that's great, but if it doesn't go well, end the relationship (but do it nicely; you don't want to hurt his feelings).
8
Bear in mind that, if you really like him, you won't find yourself questioning whether or not you do -- you will be absolutely certain.
9
Do you find yourself always checking IMVU or Facebook to see if he's on?

How to Hate a Guy You Like

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 10:10:29 +0100

Sometimes, things just don't work out between the guy you like and yourself. You might have realized what a jerk he is, or maybe you saw him using the same lines on another girl that he used on you yesterday. The problem is, you want to hate him for what he is, but you still like him a little bit. Not for long.

Steps

1
Think. Should you like him? The reason you probably want to hate him is because you clearly and obviously know that you SHOULDN'T like him. He is not right for you, whether it's because of something he did, or maybe he's too old for you, whatever the case may be. Think about the negatives. Think about why it wouldn't even work between you two. There's no point in losing your sleep over a guy that you know you won't be able to build a relationship with. Get this realization through to your head: it's not going to happen, it's not worth it, you're wasting your time.
2
Decide. Why do you hate him? What did he do? Focus on his negatives. If he flirted with you one day and made you feel like the most special girl on the planet, and didn't even bother to text you for the next three days, chances are he doesn't care about you and is just a liar/flirt. Ignore him. He isn't worth your time or attention, so DON'T give it to him. If you see that he doesn't care, stop wasting your breath and thought! Instead, if someone else you think is interesting is expressing interest in you, focus on that person. Think about what a big jerk he is and how much you just want to get away from him.
3
If he comes near you, move away. If he is approaching you, walk to another place. If he tries to confront you, give him a look and simply don't talk to him. If he demands an explanation, just give him a disgusted look and ignore him. He doesn't even deserve an explanation. Don't listen to his flirts or sweet-talk. If he keeps trying it, just ignore him completely and act like you're busy with something. While he's saying that sweet stuff, think to yourself, "what a jerk!" because you know that he doesn't mean it. Tell him to leave you alone. Don't be insulting, but keep an aggressive attitude, and don't melt under his flattery.
4
Don't think about the fact that you might have liked him once. Just think about the fact that now, you have come to realize what a big jerk he is, and you just want to get away from him. Try to get your schedule changed if you work with him, delete his number, delete him from your facebook, and cut off all contacts with him if you can. Give him a look and walk away if he tries to reconcile, and be determined. Do not give him another chance. Don't melt under him, and don't let him touch you. You must be very harsh and clear that you don't like him, because even a little friendliness can send the message that you're welcoming him now, and he'll be ready to set his next trap for you. Don't fall for it!!

Tips

Be determined! Don't lose your focus. Remember why you hate him, and keep that motive in your head the entire time.
Don't think about any of his positive qualities! Focus on his negatives, and why he doesn't deserve another chance!
Remember that it wouldn't have worked anyway, so ask yourself if you really want to waste all your time on something so pointless!
He's not worth you hurting, and you hating him won't do anything to him if he doesn't care about you, so stick to the plan.
YOU CAN DO IT!

Warnings

Do not melt under his sweet-talk.
Don't be nice, not even pretend-nice. He will think you want to reconcile and make-up.
Don't be outright nasty and insulting, people will get the wrong message about you.
Don't become so obsessed with hating him that you forget about everything else. That's only giving him more attention.

Things You'll Need

Determination
Aggressive Attitude
Focus
Self-power
Self-Will
Yeah!!!

How to Get More Intimate Without Having Sex

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 10:05:50 +0100

This is a guide to show you how to be more intimate with your special someone and NOT have sex! And some on a good relationship.

Steps

1
One of many things you can do to be more intimate is to play games with each other that you and just a friend would never play. For example, you want to make a kiss more interesting.
2
For girls: steal his wallet while you two are kissing. (This is recommended only if you two have been together for a while.) This will usually cause him to kiss you again so you are more caught up in the kiss while he is busy stealing his wallet back.
3
For guys: girls don't need a wallet to steal. They have back pockets. If they stole your wallet that opens up the option for you to "explore" their back pocket(s). But if they are not ready for or you are not ready for "pocket action", say so!
4
When making out, if you have made out before, make the make-out session more interesting by swirling your tongue around on the tip of their tongue before pulling away from the kiss. Make sure to be slow in doing this. This is sure to send shivers down their spine, and make them want more. (Beware: making them wild with your kisses could lead to more, and if that's not what you want, make sure to lay it out and say no!)
5
Another fun "game" to play when making out is to steal each other’s gum, tic tacks, or whatever you may have. Just make sure, when you are trading off, not to trade a bunch of spit too unless they like that.
6
Teasing the other person with your kisses can be fun. But for some it makes them frustrated and angry. Make sure you know how they react to things before you try playing "hard to get." Some things to do to tease with a kiss are to: go in for a kiss then stop as your lips brush, and then pull back and smile. This will cause them most of the time, to come in more aggressively for a kiss (but not too aggressively).
7
Also, go in for a kiss and kiss your partner gently on the lips, then to the jawline and kiss along there, linger just for a few seconds around their ear, this allows your partner to hear your breathing and often gives the person 'tingles' or 'goosebumps', and in general is rather nice for them. then from the ear move down onto the neck and kiss them therefor a short while, then eventually, return to the lips and find out just how much they enjoyed this little detour by seeing how desperate they are to kiss you.
8
Another teasing kiss to try would be you go in for a kiss and kiss them, but before you pull away to touch their bottom lip with your tongue as if you were going in to make out, you pull away. This will also make them pull you back most of the time, for another kiss, this kind of kiss does usually lead to making out.
9
Try other new things and see what drives your partner wild! But remember if you or your partner is not ready for something; know it is ok to say no!
10
Another fun thing to try is wrestling. Not necessarily on the floor or on a bed (this could lead to other things) but if you guys are "pretend fighting" over things like tickling each other. If the guy is trying to stop you girls from tickling his sides, he will most likely pin you in his arms while he tries to get back at you. This is fun and it helps with bonding.
11
Overall, remember to have fun with each other. Being in a relationship means more than just the physical aspect of it. It means you really want to know the person and be with them because the way they are! Remember to accept flaws. We're all human. Love them for them, and have fun with each other. Remember to talk, and get to know them. Don't be in a relationship just to "get some action." But to know and love the person you're with for who they are.
Tips
- Before making out or playing any of the games that go along with making out, make sure to brush your teeth! No one likes bad breath!
- Respect each other's boundaries.
- If you are not comfortable with something, say so! If you're with the right person. they will respect you.
- Make sure not only to lie on the physical aspect of your relationship but also to connect and talk with the person you're with. This makes a relationship a great and rewarding one.
- Accept each other's flaws.
- Compliment each other. especially when it comes to kissing. Tell them how good a kisser they are, and if they're not, tell them you'll have to practice, because as you know practice makes perfect.
- It’s fun to have top secret code names for each other (if that's what you want to call it).
- Tell your partner what you like, and what you don't prefer.
- Listen to each other
- All in all love each other!
Warnings
- Some of tips could lead to more. If that's not what you want, say so! Don't be afraid to speak up! If you're with the right person, they will respect you, and if they leave you for saying no, you’re not with the right person.
Things You'll Need
A special someone that you really and truly care about.
The right atmosphere to make sure the person your with can truly get into the mood of things.

How to Deal With a Lying Boyfriend

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 10:01:03 +0100

If you have a boyfriend who cheats and lies, it's not a good relationship to be in and it's time to make a decision about where to head next. This article will help you to work through dealing with a lying boyfriend.

Steps

1
Become aware that you're being lied to. If you're too busy making up excuses and denying that your boyfriend is lying to you, you're delaying the inevitable. Signs you're being lied to include:
- Not keeping dates with you and making up bizarre excuses
- Changing stories all the time, giving you inconsistent details
- Making mates act as alibis only to have them muck up when you
2
Bump into them, or phone them, and they tell you something else.
3
Be wary of a guy who tells you he loves you after only seeing one another for a week or two. Be really cautious - perhaps he's after sex, money, or your personal belongings. Take it with a grain of salt until you know each other a lot better.
4
Make a decision about what you're going to do. If you're satisfied that he is lying, dealing with this situation so that you're not harmed is priority number one. Consider your options:
- Confronting him - use facts, not emotions, to provide evidence that you're aware of his lying
- Be ready to make a decision to end the relationship. If you aren't sure, he will likely take advantage of your uncertainty to continue lying and using you.
- Ask for a change of attitude only if you're prepared to accept that this may be unsuccessful and you'll still need to end things.
5
Avoid taking it personally. You are not responsible for another person's lies and lying behavior. If he tries to claim that it's things that you do that make him lie, don't fall for it or take it on board - your behavior is not a cause of someone else's personal choice to lie.
6
If you find out they've been lying to you all along, then it's best to just break up with them. What's worth keeping a lie alive for all that time wasted.
7
Don't seek revenge. He may have betrayed you, but it's not worth the time or effort to keep on thinking about it.
Tips
Always keep an eye open to what's going around. Ask friends if you heard what your boyfriend has been up to.
Talk to your boyfriend about how he has been doing lately. Tell him that you trust him no matter what he says. If trusts you, then he will tell you if anything is up.
Be open to changes if any are needed.
Know that sometimes things don't work out, and it might be best to look for someone new.

Warnings
Don't be paranoid. It only makes things worse than it really is.
Don't stalk your boyfriend. It will make you look creepy, and it's a criminal offence.
Don't get friends involved to your fight. It's not their problem.
Try not to get violent, when talking about it.
Don't try to get even if he is lying.

How to Define Unconditional Love

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 09:56:34 +0100

By straight definition, unconditional love is hard to really define clearly. This in itself can cause a great deal of confusion. Here is how to define what it means to love without limits or conditions.

Steps

1
Look at the word "love". Define it in simple terms. Love is: a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person. Yet, these sound like conditions (a mode or state of being).
2
Look at the word "unconditional". Unconditional means: without conditions or limitations.
3
Ask yourself:
- Are there any conditions or limitations that would govern my ability to continue to love this person?
- Would this person have to maintain any standard for me to continue to love this person?
- Did love exist before any conditions in the relationship availed itself?
4
Accept that many people have many ideas of what love is. Your idea is more then likely different from the next person's. No doubt you have experienced love in many forms. Love exists regardless of the circumstances. Consider defining unconditional love to be that "Love just is". There is so many ideas on this subject that one can just get lost in all of them. If love just is, then it is without any conditions.

How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 09:51:40 +0100

As your relationship with a new person in your life has developed, you find your old friends falling away, while family members remark on how you don't seem like yourself. Are you losing yourself to an odd, and ultimately destructive, relationship? Before you can regain your individuality and strength, you'll need to determine if the relationship is taking something away, and, if so, put an end to the destructive cycle. While the steps are directed towards romantic relationships, they do apply to any kind of relationship.

Steps
1
Evaluate honestly: Is this relationship healthy, or is it unhealthy? Be objective as youanalyze how things have changed since this relationship began.

2
Are your family relationships suddenly filled with tension, every time your partner's name comes up? Red flags should go up if everyone who cares about you is getting worried or is being pushed away.
Does this person bring out your best, or worst traits? Do you feed each others' best self, or have you seen your attitudes change to more closely mirror your partner's, which puts off your family and friends?
3
Recognize your blindness to your partner's faults. Infatuation isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be necessary and good; however, it does make one "temporarily insane" for the first part of a relationship. Sometimes our starry-eyed affection can make us willfully close our eyes to warning signals, even though we really kind of know that our friends and family have a point when they say they don't like this or that about the significant other. Ask yourself: Do you find yourself apologizing or defending your significant other's behavior? If you find yourself getting defensive when someone questionsyour relationship, you're probably already aware that there is a problem and haven't yet come to terms with it. Remember that people in healthy relationships have nothing to hide or defend. In fact, when a relationship is healthy, your friends and family are normally going to recognize that this person makes you very happy, brings out the best in you, and they will rejoice with the two of you.
4
Notice if your plans are continually overturned in favor of hers. Instead, you're always changing plans to do what she wants, always meeting up with her friends.
Be aware of the way she behaves with your family and friends, especially if she interrupts them, contradicts them, or behaves dismissively. If you feel you need to apologize or explain her behavior to your family or friends, there's a problem there.
Are you realizing it's just become easier not to spend time with people you've loved for years, rather than to make apologies or excuses?
Have all of your past attachments to people and places been replaced by either old friends of your new love, or new friends you've made since you've been together? Severing your ties to the familiar stability of people you have always known means she has just made herself the center of your universe, and now has no competition for your attention.
5
Watch out for subtle discrepancies. When talking with mutual friends, have they ever said something about your new boyfriend that made you stop and say, "Huh? But he said something different to me... You can't have understood that right." Did you then dismiss the idea that what your friends heard could have actually been true? That's a big red flag. When you're being controlled or manipulated, it's usually through half-truths or omissions, not outright lies. There's just enough weirdness to make you stop and think, but not quite enough to get you to re-evaluate the entire relationship. If this happens more than once, STOP and remind yourself that this isn't the first time you've had this reaction. Start analyzing discrepancies between what your boyfriend said and what your friends say. If there are a lot of them, call him out on them. If his reaction or answers don't satisfy, it is time to re-evaluate in a major way. And don't delay doing the analysis - it may save you from disaster later.
6
Keep your support system. Cutting you off from your support systems helps her gain dominance over you - and you think it's your decision. A controlling partner will treat your friends with disrespect - your friends will report rude remarks made behind your back, or you will actually see her treat them in a dismissive ("You don't have the same experience I have.") or outright rude way ("That's just stupid. You're wrong."). However, when you're alone with her, she never says a bad word about those friends, but rather is kind, loving, and even complimentary about them. It makes you believe your family or friends are simply jealous, don't understand her, etc. You forget her nastiness to their faces because she's nice behind their backs. When you find yourself telling your mom or sister, "But, you have to understand her like I do," that's a bad sign. Why should everyone else understand herand adjust their behavior - wouldn't it be easier if she would adjust hers? It's much easier for her to control you when you've decided your loved ones just don't understand your mate, and soon, you have no one but her to turn to.
7
Recognize excessive jealously or possessiveness as a danger signal. If your partner is protective of you, that's sweet. If he's bizarrely, overly protective, it's scary. Consider whether he constantly nags about how long it takes you to make a trip to the market or to the post office. Does he interrogate you if you aren't home exactly on time, or if you go out for any reason? Does he question you too intensely about why you were talking to another person?
8
Watch for repeat offenses, shallow apologies and "courting" afterwards. She does something that is totally unacceptable then asks your forgiveness, tells you she realizes she was wrong, and promises to change. She seems utterly sincere and convincing - but it is part of the control. It is a way to use your compassion to keep you interested - at this point she may even tearfully say she wants your help to change, particularly if you have let her know that you will not tolerate such things again. She will bring you lavish gifts and attempt to sweep you off your feet, again, re-establishing her sincerity and your belief that she truly loves you (and she may, but in a really toxic, controlling way). Watch for the bad behavior to resume as soon as she believes she has you hooked and complacent again.
9
Beware of the "backhanded compliment". Saying, "Nobody will ever love you the way I do," seems sweet, but he wants you to believe that nobody but he will ever love you again.It fosters utter dependence on him and his love. Over time, these ideas erode your sense of confidence. You will begin to believe you're unworthy of better treatment, and he's the best you can hope for. Do not believe this, you deserve so much more - and that is what you should have.
10
Stop berating yourself for being into this person. Realize that she's amazing - on the surface - and you shouldn't beat yourself up for being attracted to that. These people are often an odd mix of very high intellect or talent, coupled with low self-esteem (although they often seem confident to the point of arrogance - a mask for their internal lack of true confidence). Controlling, manipulative people are not able to just let things happen naturally - she must control things or, in her mind, things will "get away" from her - so she's compelled by her inner horrors to make sure she's the one pulling all the strings. But what makes it most awful is that she's probably gorgeous (you thought so, right?) and smart, and maybe even funny and charming. It's no wonder you fell for her.
11
Assess whether the relationship is worth saving. All of the above are warning signs that you are involved with a controlling person who's likely to be manipulating you. Try to be objective, though - if talking, working it through, or going to counseling fails to get your partner to stop these behaviors for longer than it takes to convince you of his sincerity (in other words, behaviors begin again after a short time), there may be no choice but to part ways, even if you still love him.